The Club is your unique virtual community
for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors.
We get it…and we get you!
You want to
1- Finally understand your child’s most baffling, confusing, and overwhelming behaviors and feel more confident and regulated as a parent.
2- Pack your parenting toolbox full of tools that actually work (with even the most baffling behaviors)
3-Actually be able to use all those tools by calming and regulating your brain even before the chaos in your home changes.
The Club is a super fun place, too…confetti fun!
Ready to join? $45/month
Registration is open Oct. 1-8, 2024
Membership is per family.
Once you’re inside The Club, you’ll get instructions on adding your parenting partner at no additional charge.
The Club will change your life…
and your child’s life and your family’s life, too. I’ll definitely tell you why I believe this (and it’s completely based in science…)
But first — is The Club for you?
Your child’s behavior is sometimes bizarre. Baffling. Frustrating.
Maybe you’re the parent of a child with a history of trauma.
Maybe you’re the parent of a child whose brain and behavior are just…different.
You are always looking for more parenting tools but more than that, you need help USING the tools.
You want to be with people who get it. Who don’t judge you.
And people who are fun. Because fun and play matter, too!
Sometimes parenting feels traumatic.
And you are tired of feeling so alone.
Become the parent you want to be.
“We are so incredibly thankful
to have found Robyn Gobbel and The Club, it has truly changed our family dynamic.
We had been through counselors, LCWs, Psychologists, Psychiatrists but none focused primarily on our specific needs- understanding trauma behavior, the nervous system and the WHY of all of it.
In The Club,we’ve learned ways to co-regulate, connect, and provide felt safety that has changed behaviors. We’ve learned compassion for ourselves and for my son’s needs. Our relationship has improved greatly, and I’ve been able to find better support and accommodations with school because I can advocate in a different way.
I have learned something from every single podcast, webinar and online conversation in The Club. We aren’t alone struggling anymore. I feel some relief.
My son is doing so much better feeling supported -rather then constant conflicts and fits of rage.
My favorite Robyn mantra- “Changing how we see people, changes people”.
~Club member (The Club fiercely protects confidentiality so identities in testimonials are never shared)
What’s in The Club?
A Forum
An active online forum,
not on Facebook!
The forum is the heart of The Club.
The Club has a team of coaches so you feel supported when you need it the most.
Robyn is in the forum and connecting with members almost every day.
Club members focus on compassion first- never judgment. Ever.
You’ll feel seen by people who just ‘get it’ and get some great ideas on how to handle the most baffling behaviors.
Video Library
Over 100 video trainings!!!!
Each video is closed captioned
and you can download the transcript.
You can also get a certificate of attendance!
Mini-Courses on Changing Behavior, Attachment, & more…
Guidance on where to start based on what you need.
The library grows every month.
All Masterclasses, Putting it into Practice Sessions, and Group Coaching are stored in the Video Library
so you never have to worry about missing a live meeting.
Live Masterclass
A deep-dive
on one parenting topic…
like attachment or manipulation or scaffolding.
The topic is always highly relevent to
parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems & big, baffling behaviors.
Then we spend the month supporting each other
to implement the new material into your specific family with your unique needs.
Connect & Co-Regulate
To be seen, known, & accepted
That’s the whole point of Connect & Co-Regulate sessions
These are like mini support groups
No professional looming or telling you what to do
You just get to be with one another
C&C sessions are usually offered twice a month
Ask Anything
Have you ever wished you could just pick my brain?
That’s exactly what you get to do!
You get to show up and ask ANYTHING.
(Well…anything about parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems!)
The recordings go in our video library
with each question time-stamped
so you can quickly find the questions that relate to your family.
Observed Coaching
One Member, a 40 minute Video Call!
Every-other-month, one member has the opportunity
to experience a 40-minute, all-about-you, observed coaching session with Robyn.
This sessions are as powerful for the rest of The Club
as they are for the member in the observed coaching seat.
In fact, they might be more powerful.
***Observed Coaching sessions are by application and unfortunately there is no guarantee you’ll be able to experience a session.***
Club Bonuses
Please Note: Club Bonuses are not guaranteed experiences in The Club. If they are listed below, they are expected to be offered the month you join. We intend to offer these experiences on-going, but they may vary based on members’ needs and coaches’ availability.
“Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
The Club full of incredible people who get it…the impossibly hard and the incredible beauty.
The Club has made me a better parent and better person!
~Club member (The Club fiercely protects confidentiality so identities in testimonials are never shared)
The Club is your anchor.
Hey There…I’m Robyn!
I was a therapist for 15 years.
An in-the-trenches, walking the journey with families of kids with a history of trauma and baffling behaviors therapist.
I know you don’t have the support and resources you need. There aren’t enough brain-based, nervous-system informed therapists (not to mention adoption and trauma informed!)
And your family needs more than one-hour a week of therapy.
So, I started teaching. Both parents and professionals.
I am committed to studying and sharing the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology. Those are just fancy words for the parts of the brain that are responsible for behavior and relationships. I even taught the Science of Interpersonal Neurobiology in a certificate program for professionals!
I’ve been described as Neuroscience with Heart…Wrapped in Glitter and Fun.
But I also know that knowing something and doing something aren’t the same thing! It is so hard to change the way we parent, even when we know there are better ways.
The reason it’s so hard to implement is that exact same reason it’s so hard for our children to change their behavior patterns!
You need more connection and co-regulation!
I’m taking a break from offering therapy because I want to support more families than I could ever support in my therapy room.
The Club was born.
We can create meaningful, connected community…even virtually.
Listen to what these parents have to say about The Club!
“A few weeks ago, my child was screaming
and thrashing, and throwing things, and threatening. At the same time, they also was expressing a desire to be physically close to me, which is not typical. And I was having a physical reaction to that. Because historically speaking, I had a lot of good reasons to know it could be very unsafe for me to be close to my child when they are struggling like that. So there’s this battle inside me of, ‘Oh boy, oh, boy, my body’s telling me, this isn’t safe. But- but you are saying you want to come close’.
And I knew that a couple hours from that time, I was going to be able to be part of one of the Connect & Co-Regulate groups where we’re just, you know, gonna come together, and hear each other, and be there for each other. Just knowing that allowed me to tap into some of the- some of the things that I would not otherwise have been able to tap into. I ended up being able to hold my child and I was rocking and tapping them. And I just kept thinking, ‘Okay, rhythmic, repetitive, relational. This is what she needs right now’. At the same time- I was thinking ‘I’m gonna get what I need in a couple hours.’
I thought to myself ‘Right now I am safe enough, I can do this. And I’m going to honor my needs and my experience, by coming together with this group of people this afternoon to- to connect. To co-regulate’. And knowing that helped me to regulate in that moment.
I never would have been able to respond that well to my child if it wasn’t for that space being held for me in The Club.
~Club member (The Club fiercely protects confidentiality so identities in testimonials are never shared)
The Club rests on three pillars.
Caring for yourself.
You are more important than any tool or technique.
Kids need parents who are regulated, connected, and can offer felt-safety.
It’s pretty hard to offer these things when you are dysregulated, depleted, overwhelmed, and hopeless.
The tools you learn in The Club and the connection and co-regulation you receive from Club members will allow you to parent the way you want to. With connection, co-regulation, and felt-safety.
Don’t worry though- we aren’t aiming for perfection or even anywhere close to perfection. Kids don’t need perfect parents. They need parents that keep showing up and trying.
Caring for each other.
We cannot give what we do not receive.
This isn’t just some woo-woo therapy psychobabble. It’s science.
If we want to offer connection and co-regulation to our children, we must receive it.
Connection and co-regulation are the foundational principles of The Club. There is no Club without them.
The connection and co-regulation you receive in The Club will increase your ability to stay calm in the midst of chaos.
The community of The Club is the missing ingredient you need to parent the way you want to parent. It’s science!
Caring for your kids
Parenting support- the kind you really need
Every month, you’ll gain access to a masterclass on one specific challenge or behavior- just like my webinars (which will now only be offered in The Club).
The Club will keep adding tools to your toolbox but more importantly it will support you in actually being able to use those tools.
You aren’t struggling to parent because you don’t know how.
You are struggling because you need more connection and co-regulation. Once you get what you need, you’ll be able to be the parent you want to be and use those tools in your toolbox.
“I want to parent different than how I was raised.
And I want my family to look different than what I came from. The things that you explained in the podcast really helped me to. And I thought, “Well, if this podcast is so good, and makes me feel so good, then I should probably join The Club!” I really did go into it planning to try it for a month. And I did everything just to make sure I experienced it. And then I just haven’t stopped.
I think The Club has been invaluable just to be able to have another avenue to practice things. I’ve heard a lot of things I have never heard before.
You know, our manifesto talks about how regulated and connected kids feel safe, and behave well. And that’s true about adults too!
I didn’t know that I needed more support until I joined The Club. It feels like a missing piece. Partially because the time in the car to listen to our masterclasses. I think so much that I need to put what I’m learning into practice. And then I think “It’s okay. It will come.”
I’m learning to accept myself for who I am and how I am.
~Club member (The Club fiercely protects confidentiality so identities in testimonials are never shared)
The Club’s Manifesto
Regulated, Connected Kids who Feel Safe Behave Well.
Not perfect…but like kids. Pushing boundaries. Messing up. Like all humans.
Regulated Connected Parents who Feel Safe Parent the Way They Want To.
Not perfect…with plenty of opportunities to mess up and make it right again. Like all humans.
Compassionate Boundaries have a place in connection-based, brain-based parenting.
We will set them with each other and with our children.
Hard things are less hard when we do them with other people.
Even with strangers. Even virtually (says Social Baseline Theory).
We come to know who we are through the eyes of the other.
We need people who will reflect to us our infinite worth.
In every moment, we are all doing the absolute very best we can.
Your child. Everyone in The Club. YOU.
Everyone. EVERYONE. Has Infinite Worth.
Your child. Everyone in the Club. YOU.
Changing how we see people changes people.
We are all perfectly imperfect and overflowing with infinite worth.
The brain changes and heals in relationship.
My brain changes because of you. And your brain changes because of me.
And The Club.
The Club Coaches & Team
Robyn Gobbel
Robyn is the founder of The Club, host of The Baffling Behavior Show, and author of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors. She has expertise in trauma, toxic stress, parenting, relational neuroscience- and integrating them all!
Robyn spends almost every day in The Club. She answers approximately 80% of forum posts and hosts almost all live events.
If you’ve ever wanted to ‘pick Robyn’s brain’ The Club is exactly the place for that!!!
Katie Walsh
Katie is all things take care of Club members. She answers your questions, helps you find what you’re looking for, takes notes during our live events so she can point you in the direction of all the resources we talked about.
Katie also does soooo much behind the scenes! She’s posting the videos, transcribing our events, sending the weekly round-up email, posting all the events.
Katie is in The Club to take care of you :)
Laura Strohm
Laura is my ‘right-hand gal’ at all things, but especially as a coach in The Club.
Laura keeps her pulse on what’s going on with our members. She’s making funny, poignant, and honest posts.
Laura also hosts our once-a-month evening (eastern time) Connect & Co-Regulate session, and she creates a safe space for your kids who are siblings of dysregulated kids (age 10 and over).
Katie Spillar
Club members got realllllly lucky the day Katie said “yes” after I asked her to be a coach in The Club.
Katie hangs out in the forum and brings us her decade of previous experience as a therapist for kids and families with vulnerable nervous systesm and big, baffling behaviors. We worked together waaaay back in Austin!
Katie also creates a safe space for your kids who are siblings of dysregulated kids (age 9 & under).
On-Demand Learning Library
MORE THAN 100 ON-DEMAND VIDEO TRAININGS
with more added every month!
Each closed-captioned video training includes:
Downloadable PDF handouts
A Full Transcript
Certificate of Completion
The Audio of all Videos (except Observed Coaching Sessions) are available in a private, member’s only podcast feed-
making it even easier to access all the content!
…and more!
Changing Behaviors: A Mini Course
Ready to stuff your parenting toolbox full of tools that actually work?
This mini-course isn’t mini at all! It contains over 10 hours of training.
In The Club, you’ll meet the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum Brain.
This will change how you see your child’s behaviors and make it easier for you to use the right tool at the right time.
Then- you’ll learn how to GROW the Owl Brain
and CALM the watchdog and possum brain.
And then- what about a consequence?!
This mini-course will flip on it’s head everything you know about changing your child’s behaviors.
If you’ve read Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, this mini course offers expanded video content on Section 2: “Fix” Behaviors with Tools the Really Work
Creating Felt Safety
Being Safe doesn’t equal Feeling Safe
Are you confused about why your child is still struggling to feel safe and regulated in your safe and loving family?
Simply because a child is safe doesn’t mean he actually feels safe. Creating felt-safety is crucial if we want to help our children feel more regulated and behave more appropriately.
You’ll Leave With
A new way to conceptualize resistant, oppositional, and all challenging behavior
Practical tools to support felt-safety in children in three ways:
Inside their bodies, In the Environment, & In Your Relationship
Manipulation: Finding Their Voice
Manipulation is SUCH a hard behavior.
All humans every react negative to the feeling of being manipulated.
This masterclass will help you reframe the behavior of manipulation so it doesn’t feel so triggering.
Then you’ll learn very practical and strategic interventions to help your child find their voice and ask for what they need instead of using manipulation.
How Do I Stay Calm?
You are flipping your lid and it doesn’t feel good.
You want to feel more confident and regulated
and use the parenting skills you have learned.
You can learn how to shift your nervous-system into a state of regulation.
even in the midst of chaos (because neither you nor me can make the chaos in your home stop).
It’s a skill you can learn and practice!
In this webinar you’ll learn
practical tools (based on neuroscience, of course) that you can use and practice
both in and out of the moments you are faced with dysregulating behavior in your child.
By the end, you’ll know
4 things to practice (when chaos isn’t swirling) that will increase your stress resilience and regulation
No bubble baths, baby-sitters, or anything that takes more time or more money- promise
But then of course we’ll talk about
A practical 4 step process you can do when your kid is flipping their lid so you don’t flip yours, too
Lying as a Trauma-Driven Behavior
Lying is a common- and challenging- protective behavior for all people,
but can feel especially baffling in our children who have experienced trauma.
Families often get stuck in a vicious cycle of difficult behavior, parent reaction, and then more difficult behavior.
This webinar will help you understand lying as a trauma driven behavior and will give you ideas on how to respond in a way that will actually increase trust and decrease fear- the very thing that is driving the lying in the first place.
This webinar will help you get to the root of the lying without relying on short-term behavior fixes or fear-based compliance.
Match the Energy, Not the Dysregulation
Match the Energy,Not the Dysregulation is an advanced parenting strategy that take a lot of practice to master, but it is worth it!
Kids don’t need you to be calm in the face of their dysregulation.
In fact, calm would be weird! And could even increase the dysregulation.
This masterclass contains lots of graphics to help you understand the complex concept of matching the energy without the dysregulation.
You’ll have an AHA moment that will help you implement this strategy.
Self-Compassion Changes the Brain
In the group deep-dive, messages of compassion were entered into chat.
I read them aloud, one by one.
Twice.
The first time I read each one, everyone was invited to imaging the message of self compassion going out and landing on everyone else.
The second time I read each one, everyone was invited to imaging that message coming to them, landing on them, and receiving the message for themselves.
The practice of giving and receiving.
Sometimes one feels easier than the other.
These were the absolutely gorgeous, authentic offerings of self-compassion.
Now we are sending them to each of you who wasn’t able to be present last night. Imagine these messages landing on the hearts of everyone in the group. Then image each message landing on your heart. Imagine receiving. Receiving from others- receiving from yourself.
Playful, Acceptance, Curiosity, & Empathy (PACE)
Drs. Dan Hughes and Jonathan Baylin write about PACE as a path toward healing the nervous system.
In The Club, we call that calming the watchdog and possum brain and growing the owl brain!
To learn more about PACE, check Dr. Hughes’ books.
The PACE masterclass features special guest, Jessica Sinarski. Jessica has trained and worked extensively with Dr. Baylin and is an expert at PACE.
Grief in Foster & Adoptive Children & Families
Foster Care & Adoption (even infant adoption) always begins with loss.
Grief is inherent, although when and how children experience, express, and process their grief varies substantially.
When parents, professionals, therapists and other helpers honor the grief inherent in both foster care & adoption – for adopted children AND adoptive parents- and understand the complexities of their losses, we open ourselves up to being more fully present for children to process their grief.
This workshop covers the losses inherent in foster care and adoption, grief related to adoption (including disenfranchised grief & ambiguous loss), understanding why children grieve for abusive and neglectful families, supporting children through big, confusing, and overwhelming feelings, and how to notice if our own feelings may be being triggered and preventing us from being full present for children.
Compassion Fatigue (Blocked Care & the Possum Pathway)
Parenting kids with baffling behaviors and vulnerable nervous systems can be traumatic.
It leaves our own nervous system stuck in ‘protection’ mode.
Our chronic irritability, frustration, (watchdog brain!) or even that looming sense of nothingness or hopelessness (possum brain) are symptoms of toxic stress.
And yes, we can tend to our own nervous systems even if the chaos in our families hasn’t changed (yet).
This masterclass will help you make sense of your own nervous system, rediscover compassion, and offer a few practical tips at how to help invite your owl brain back.
Stories that Heal- Creating Trauma Narrative Stories with Kids
Trauma, extreme stress, and overwhelm can disrupt the memory processing system, resulting in trauma symptoms and ‘mixed up thoughts’ – like “I’m a terrible kid” “It’s all my fault” or even “It’s all your fault.”
Stories can be intentionally crafted to help our kids’ memory networks ‘jump start’ and make correct connections.
This masterclass will teach you the basics of creating a story when your child has been through something hard.
Getting to know the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum Brain
How do we know if our kids (or ourselves?!) are in their owl, watchdog, or possum brain?
This masterclass will help you clearly understand what the owl, watchdog, and possum brain is, cues and clues to look for, and worksheets to begin tracking the different characteristics.
Knowing the difference between owl, watchdog, and possum brain will help increase compassion and lead to more effective use of appropriate interventions.
Boundaries with Connection
Sometimes therapeutic parenting with children with histories of trauma and vulnerable nervous systems can appear to be permissive parenting. But actually, this way of parenting often calls for more structure and boundaries. It’s just that we often aren’t using the word ‘boundaries’ correctly! This session will bring clarity to what boundaries are and aren’t. Participants will learn how to set boundaries that set our kids up for success. We will also address how to have boundaries with behavior we cannot control- specifically verbal aggression.
Attachment: A Mini Course
The Attachment mini course is a compilation of
- 3 masterclasses on the neurobiology of attachment: secure, insecure, and disorganized & how to heal
- 3 embodied explorations of the neurobiology of attachment- these embodied explorations include experiential activities that invite you to explore your own streams of attachment: secure, insecure, and disorganized & how to heal
The Attachment mini-course is unlike any other exploration into attachment. Attachment is an embodied concept typically approached from a very left-brained and logical perspective.
This exploration into attachment invites you to connect with all parts of yourself in a very present and embodied way.
Loving & Feeding the Child with a History of Trauma
Food issues (hoarding, over-eating, under-eating, extreme pickiness, etc.) are consistently one of the most common, and one of the most DISTRESSING, challenges facing parents who have children with a history of adoption, trauma, or toxic stress.
It seems almost universal…even if the child never experienced any food insecurity or deprivation.
Add in the relationship between feeding, relationship, and attachment…and food and meal times have become one of the most stressful times in a family’s day.
It can feel like a cycle that is impossible to break out of, especially because no matter what we do, our children continue to need to be fed. A LOT! I mean…they seem to expect this three times a day at least :)
Although there is no magic solution that applies to all children and all families, this webinar will:
-
Look at feeding difficulties through the lens of the ‘trauma tornado’
-
Consider how and why we parents are getting triggered around food issues and how we can soothe ourselves (the number one step, always)
-
Look at practical steps to take to decrease stress around food and mealtimes for both parents and children.
Opposition, Defiance, & Control
Opposition, defiance, and control are SUCH challenging behaviors!
You are frustrated, overwhelmed, and also- kinda just over it. It’s NO fun being controlled by your child (or anyone else, for that matter!).
Opposition, defiance, and control break-down relationships and cause you to be at odds with your child…and you hate that.
They are behaviors that you want to truly figure out- and not just a band-aid but long-term change.
The first step is truly understanding what on earth is going on in their brain (because the brain is behind EVERYTHING) to cause this level of opposition, defiance or control. After all- humans are designed to be in connection and your child is no exception. So why is your child displaying behaviors that are leaving you reluctant to be in connection with them?
When you understand the brain-based reasons for opposition, defiance, and control, you’ll start to gain clarity on how you should respond so you can create an environment for your child that encourages cooperation and connection.
Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance isn’t about hopelessness that things will never change or get better.
Radical acceptance is about a moment of deep attunement with ourselves.
It’s counterintuitive, but radical acceptance of hopelessness, burn out, and other intense experiences can help us shift OUT of hopelessness and burn out.
This video guides Club members on a short journey in practicing radical acceptance.
The Power of Rupture & Repair
Kids don’t need perfect parents.
They need parents who can see the rupture and then make the repair.
This masterclass describes the importance of repair, the steps in making a repair, and how to scaffold making repairs if they feel too vulnerable to you.
The Science (& Power!!) of Playfulness
Why playfulness? What’s the big deal? Why is it important? How do I act playfully when I’m so burned out? And how do I even come up with ideas for being playful???
We’ll tackle all that :)
Playing and playfulness aren’t exactly the same thing, and playfulness is a powerful tool for helping the brain flip from protection mode to connection mode.
Helping Kids Regulate through Sensory Strategies
This training was originally offered in collaboration with Virginia UMFS. Their organization and other trainings in the series are referenced in the video.
Regulation, energy, and arousal are underneath all behaviors- so it makes sense that an effective way to help shift challenging behaviors is to go right to the source- regulation!
Body and sensory-based strategies offer parents new, effective, and fun ways to help shift challenging behaviors.
Participants will learn the connection between sensory experiences, regulation, and behaviors as well as practical tools to support their child’s regulation and decrease difficult behaviors.
This class focuses mostly on sight, touch, sound, taste, and smell. For movement-based sensory strategies for regulation, check out the 6-Hour in-depth training on Regulating the Body through Movement Based Strategies
Regulating the Body with Movement Based Interventions
This six-hour online webinar will help you use movement & sensory based interventions to change behaviors – which is more fun and more successful than punishment, consequences, and rewards!
During our time together, we will explore how emotion and behavior dysregulation can be related to a ‘shaky foundation’ in the brain- this could be due to early toxic stress or relational trauma…or you may not know exactly why your child struggles with so much dysregulation.
Regardless of the WHY, strengthening and supporting the foundation of the brain with movement and sensory-based interventions can only help!
Together we will:
- Understand how toxic stress and relational trauma has impacted the foundation of the brain- and how movement, rhythm, and sensory-based interventions (along with relationship) can repair a shaky foundation
- Learn a system to help your child learn to monitor (notice) & modify (change) their state of regulation (with your support FIRST- regulation always starts with coregulation). Relational neuroscientists tell us that the ability to monitor & modify is an essential component of self-regulation.
- Watch videos of movement, rhythm, and sensory play so you can better understand how to use movement, rhythm, & sensory interventions both in the moment of dysregulation as well the importance of implementing opportunities for movement, rhythm, and sensory play throughout your child’s day.
Boundaries with Kids with Verbal Aggression
In this Club masterclass we are talk about how to create a psychological boundary, define what one is, give you ideas about how to use your new boundary in real moments in your life and do an experiential piece of work together that will help you practice this new skill well beyond the club meeting.
The Club welcomed special guest Juliane Taylor Shore for this Club meeting.
Trigger Hunting: Discovering and Integrating our own Triggers
While certainly discovering WHY we are flipping our lids doesn’t stop it from happening in the future, it does help us develop a better plan for more effectively soothing our watchdog and possum brain.
Oftentimes when we understand ‘the real problem’ (and why we are having a $5 reaction to a 50 cent problem!!!) we can hold onto our owl brain just a little bit longer- maybe long enough to send ourselves some self-compassion and stay even just a little bit more regulated.
In this masterclass, we’ll discover together a process we can take to figure out what’s really causing our watchdog or possum brains to work overtime (and yes- everything we learn will directly apply to our kids, too!).
Strengthening Psychological Boundaries
with special guest Juliane Taylor Shore
Have you ever wished you could give your brain a break from feeling over taxed and invaded by the words and feelings of other people? Practicing protecting your mind from others, especially when things are going downhill fast in environments where everyone in the room is flipping their lids, can be the difference between a stressful moment and hours of rumination, anger, fear, guilt and shame.
It often feels impossible to do that, especially when facing really harsh words and behaviors. It makes sense you do not know how. There was not a class on psychological boundaries in school. This masterclass and follow up Putting it Into Practice session is all about strengthening our psychological boundaries so we can be more present in all our relationships.
Low Demand Screens
Join special guest Eliza Fricker for a masterclass on how to take a low demand approach to screentime.
A low demand approach may or may not be right for your family, but if you decide to try, this masterclass will help.
ELIZA FRICKER is an author & illustrator, and an advocate & consultant for PDA, autism and learning.
She has published several books, including the Sunday Times Bestselling title Can’t Not Won’t, and the acclaimed autobiographical Thumbsucker released in November 2023.
Supporting Siblings
How do we help siblings of dysregulated kids make sense out of what is happening in their family? This masterclass will offer an overview of some of the most important supports that benefit siblings of kids with special needs- specifically behavior-based special needs.
We talk about:
- How to teach siblings about the owl, watchdog, and possum brain
- Validate their feelings without feeling like your ‘badmouthing’ your other children
- Acknowledge the grief (for the whole family) in age appropriate ways
Supporting siblings is a HUGE topic! These videos won’t cover everything, but will be a jumping-off point to begin creating more resources for your family here in The Club.
Helping Kids with Shame
Oftentimes kids with vulnerable nervous systems, big baffling behaviors, histories of trauma or other differences, experience a core sense of shame. They believe they are bad and this is expressed in their beliefs about themselves and their behaviors.
This masterclass will briefly touch on the neurobiology of toxic shame and then move into how to help our kids who experience toxic shame.
NOTE: While there are some specific things we can do to help kids with toxic shame, the most important ‘tool’ is presence, attunement, and co-regulation. This masterclass will address the science of those ‘interventions’ so you can increase your window of tolerance to be with even those biggest and hardest feelings.
Strengthen the Foundation of the Brain: A Mini Course
Kids with vulnerable nervous systems would almost always benefit from strengthening the foundation of their brain.
The six video mini-course covers:
- The foundation of the brain (the brainstem), why it matters, and how to strengthen it
- Teaching kids how to notice their own energy and activation
- Developing a sensation vocabulary for ourselves and our kids
- Interoception
Toxic Shame: A Mini Course
This three-part video series originally aired as an online masterclass.
Please note- the content in this masterclass could be experienced as highly triggering and overwhelming. Look over the ‘connectbook’ (it’s just a workbook but in this masterclass, we prioritized connection over working ;) ) so you know what you’re getting in to.
Be gentle with yourself, take it slow, and reach out for connection and support through The Club forum as needed.
Shut-Down, Stonewalled, & Alone
Children who are shut-down may seem easier to parent than children who are explosive, but the truth is, they are hardest to reach. This workshop decodes these frustrating and elusive behaviors using the latest research on the science of safety.
Some shutdown kids are watchdogs acting like volcanos (keeping it all inside).
Some shutdown kids are possums. This webinar will help you distinguish between the two.
You will learn practical strategies you can immediately implement.
Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain
part of the Strengthening Foundations of the Brain series
Teach your Kids About Their Owl, Watchdog, and Possum Brain
Teaching kids about their brain
- strengthens their owl brain
- increases their feeling of mastery and control over themselves and their behaviors
- helps them have more compassion for themselves and their behaviors, which improves behavior
- gives your family common language to talk about struggles without shaming or blaming
This 90 minute masterclass outlines specific ways to teach your kids about the owl, watchdog, and possum brain.
Talking about the Hard Truths in Adoption
“Your parents couldn’t take care of you” just isn’t enough. I’ve worked with hundreds of adopted kids and thousands of adoptive parents…and most important, I listen very very very closely to adoptees.
Your adopted child’s story is just that…THEIR story. There are some parts of it that are hard. Maybe even REALLY hard. No one wants to talk to their kids about this stuff.
But we have to. And you can. You just need a little support, and maybe a few scripts. No worries- I’ve got you :)
I also study neuroscience pretty obsessively- and that’s led me to two conclusions.
- Kids need us to talk about the bad things that happened to them because they were there- whether they have conscious memories of the experience or not, they have memories because they were there (this is about memory science)
- Kids need an honest, transparent, and authentic story about their lives (this is about attachment science)
This two-hour webinar will explore:
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Why it’s important for children to know the truth about their life story
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The importance of attunement and connection when sharing hard stories
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Specific tools and language for discussing these difficult topics with children
Yup- language for talking to your children about abuse (including sexual abuse), mental illness, substance abuse, rape, incest, and abandonment (plus more).
If your child isn’t adopted but they have some tough stuff in their life story, this webinar will support you in finding the language to talk about it.
Grief- The Neurobiology
Where there is trauma, there is grief. When any family member has a history of trauma, that trauma and grief impacts everyone in the family. This masterclass will take a look at the neurobiology of grief, inviting us to approach our grief with self-compassion (of course) and without judgment (of course). This will in turn create more space for our children to connect with and process their own grief.
I had a mentor say to me once “Grief isn’t the problem; it’s everything that gets in the way of the grief being fully felt and honored and explored.”
But- What about a Consequence??
After you respond to your child during watchdog or possum brain moments- what’s next?
Often, parents ask- but what about a consequence? How will they ever learn?
This masterclass will give you clear strategies to implement after your child’s owl brain has returned (and yours too!) that will continue to grow the owl brain and decrease the likelihood that the behavior will happen again in the future.
Talking About the Tough Stuff- Intersectionally Inclusive Conversations for Caregivers & Kids
Race. Gender. Sexual orientation. Neurodiversity. Body Size. Socioeconomic status. Religion. AND SO MUCH MORE! How can we talk about the “tough stuff” with our kids, when so many of us are still trying to figure out how to navigate those conversations with one another? Join Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker as she guides you through the process engaging your kids in intersectionally inclusive conversations to promote learning, compassion, and connection. From naming intersectional identities and helping your kids identify theirs, to engaging in self-exploration of our biases and preventing communication blocks, we’ll talk through the framework of these conversations together so that you can feel comfortable and confident talking through the “tough stuff” with your kids.
Presenter Bio: Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker (she/her) is a licensed psychologist specializing in social justice-oriented mental health support. As a professional and woman of color, she is passionate about the application of authentically intersectional work within the mental health field, and encourages the dismantling of oppressive practices through deeper exploration of individual biases and interpersonal interactions. She believes strongly in the capacity for change stemming from self-awareness and self-reflection when spaces can safely balance the presence of challenge and compassion. Dr. Wirta-Leiker’s private practice is located in Denver, Colorado, and she is a frequent speaker and trainer at agencies, schools, camps, and conferences throughout the country.
Responsive Feeding
Responsive Feeding is a feeding model that has been in the academic literature since 2011 and is recommended by American Academy of Pediatrics.
In the masterclass, special guest Dr. Rowell described Responsive Feeding as a model that ultimately helps kids tune into their hunger and fullness cues, while also recognizing and honoring that food is comforting and regulating.
Responsive Feeding is a model that is both high structure and high nurture, which ultimately allows for a lot of flexibility.
Responsive Feeding prioritizes felt safety; it is never intended to be rigid. Responsive feeding is about attunement and helping caregivers respond to their child’s cues.
All of this sounds very familiar right? Attunement, felt-safety, high-structure, high-nurture.
Parenting when your Partner is Not On Board
This masterclass explores the two common reasons partners aren’t ‘on board’ with brain-based parenting:
- They’re getting to dysregulated to implement it
- They don’t believe the theory
The masterclass will help you identify where your partner is at and ways to connect with them, including specific steps to take and even scripts to use.
You’ll also learn ways to connect with and set boundaries with extended family, teachers, etc. (anyone you are close to!) who isn’t supportive of your parenting.
Advocating for Kids in School & Beyond
You have probably found yourself in the groundhog’s day of advocating for your kids at school, extracurriculars, or other places outside your family.
In this masterclass you’ll learn practical ways to decrease your emotional labor while strategically connecting with other adults in ways that are most likely to be successful. This lesson also includes PDFs of templates for communication and a link to a Google folder than you can share with any interested adult!
Helping Kids Find Their Real Voice: Manipulation, Shut Down, and Verbal Aggression
Manipulation, verbal aggression, and shutting-down are all protection-behaviors with one big thing in common: the person is struggling to use accurate words that truly reflect their needs in that moment.
In this masterclass (which will replace the manipulation masterclass in the Club library), we will explore ways to scaffold our kids’ ability to use words to reflect their accurate needs and feelings.
No, we aren’t going to tell them to “use their words” but with practice, we can make attempts to hear what they are really trying to say and respond to THAT.
We can also be strategic about scaffolding their development of this skill during times their owl brain is more engaged.
Why a Monthly Membership?
It takes a long time for the brain to change.
Inside The Club
Your brain will change.
You will internalize the co-regulation of The Club members and the team…including Robyn.
When that happens, you will become more capable of using the tools in your parenting tool box.
Because you’ll become regulated enough to do so- even if the chaos in your home never changes.
A Special Note for Professionals
The Club is for you too! In fact, I believe that welcoming professionals into The Club is a great way to improve our skills and confidence in working (second only to my immersive, year-long program for parent coaching- Being With).
Joining The Club as a professional will give you access to everything in The Club as well as an additional forum for professionals only and a several bonus professional trainings (no CEs are available). The forum is not a consultation group or a confidential space, but it does provide a space to discuss how to use what you are learning to support the families you serve in a general way.
Bonus Videos Include:
Introduction to Polyvagal Theory (2 hours)
Engaging the Body: Working with Dysregulated Children (8 hours)
The Me in We (2 hours)
Reframing Resistance: Working with Caregivers (2 hours)
“The virtual format is easier to access.
If you asked me to come into a room in real life, and sit down with people who I had never met before and talk for the whole hour, I would just have so much anxiety over that. I wouldn’t come. I just wouldn’t. I’d be like ‘it’s too late. I’m too tired. I can’t do this’. It would feel too risky. But there’s something about just coming in the comfort of my home, in front of my computer that feels quite safer. And the reality is, if I need to walk away I can, and nobody’s going to judge me.
For that matter if my child starts screaming and needs me, I can just mute and turn off my video. There’s such huge benefits of this format. It can reach people all around the world! One time I was in a meeting and somebody said they were from Australia! And I thought “Oh! Nice to meet you. Cool to hang out with you!” That person wouldn’t be in my face-to-face group, if I happened to have the privilege of having a local group.
I’d have to drive hours to be with three or four other people who are in this situation.
The way The Club is set up, it’s just instant access.
~Club member (The Club fiercely protects confidentiality so identities in testimonials are never shared)
A Little Sneak Peak
FAQs
When does registration open again?
Not sure! Maybe in late November 2024!
What’s the monthly investment for The Club?
$45/month!
Are scholarships available?
A limited number of reduced fee scholarships ($15/month) are occasionally available for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems and big, baffling behaviors.
Please email hello@robyngobbel.com when the Club is open for enrollment for information about applying for a scholarship.
How long of a commitment is joining The Club?
As long as you want! You can cancel at any time before the next monthly billing cycle.
This is a month-to-month membership so you are not making a long term commitment. The longer you stay, the more benefits you’ll receive because remember- the primary benefit isn’t more tools. The primary benefit is the connection and coregulation you’ll receive from me and the other Club members.
Because change happens slowly and in relationship, I recommend staying in The Club for at least three months. But again- there is no commitment beyond month-to-month. You decide!
You’ll have access to all Club resources and materials while you are an active, paying member.
I’m new to this brain-based parenting approach...will I be lost?
NOPE! The on-demand video library is instantly accessible and will help you connect with the concepts of brain-based parenting.
But more importantly, we’ll have each other. The other members and my team and I are active in the forum to help support your learning and integration.
Is The Club only for adoptive parents? (Sneak peak...no!!!)
Nope, definitely not! A lot of the parents who hang out with me online are foster and adoptive parents, but that is definitely not a requirement for joining The Club. The Club is for parents of children who have big, baffling behaviors. Many of the parents in The Club are parenting kids who have experienced trauma. But there really is no criteria for membership beyond wanting to be in a community that prioritizes self-compassion and parenting in a brain-based, connection-based way.
Will my child (or myself) be welcomed? Is The Club a safe space?
The Club is committed to being a safe space for all families, including families of kids and parents of all gender identity, sexual orientation, neurodiversity, and race. As a team, we work hard to create a space that is safe for all kids and families, including parents of trans kids, GLBTQ+ kids, neurodiverse kids, or kids in a transracial family. Though we aren’t perfect, we are fiercely committed to repair and stay curious about impact over intent.
Our focus in The Club is supporting kids with big, baffling behaviors. For support specific to parenting trans kids, GLBTQ+ kids, neurodiverse kids, or kids in a transracial family, please continue to access resources outside The Club that are specific to the needs of your unique child and family. There are so many spaces and resources available on the internet and maybe even in your local community that prioritize the voices of individuals with lived experience.
When do live events occur?
The live event schedule in The Club varies every month.
The Club welcomes clients from all over the world. In an attempt to create a live event schedule that sometimes works for most members, we vary the days and times of live events.
We do not typically have live events on the weekend (and rarely on Fridays).
Live events are usually (but not always) are scheduled at 1pm eastern or 8pm eastern, with the occasional 3pm eastern.
When do the sibling groups occur?
The sibling groups are not scheduled at the same time every month.
They are usually scheduled in the evening (around 7pm eastern) during a week day.
Occasionally, the older sibling groups are scheduled on a Saturday, mid-afternoon eastern time.
We typically announce the schedule for the month about mid-way through the previous month to give you as much time as possible to plan ahead.
I’m a therapist (educator, parent coach etc.) Can I join?
PLEASE!!!! Parents of kids impacted by trauma are desperate to find trauma-informed helpers, healers, and educators. Joining The Club will be a huge support to you as you support these vulnerable families. As a professional member, you’ll receive all the same benefits of The Club PLUS an additional discussion forum just for professionals. (Plus four bonus professional trainings available on-demand, including Introduction to Polyvagal Theory and Engaging the Body: Working with Dysregulated Children. CEs not available).
Can I join with my spouse/partner?
Yes!! Membership in The Club is per family! Once you join, there are instructions on the steps to take to get your spouse/parenting partner into The Club at no additional charge.
Can I get certificates of completion for my foster parent license?
The monthly masterclasses will offer a certificate of completion for one hour. In fact, almost all of the on-demand videos award a certificate of completion. These are not certificates backed by any licensing board and we cannot guarantee your agency will accept them, but it’s worth a try!
That means you could earn over 30 training hours in the video library! With more added each month.
Where will The Club happen??
The Club happens in The Clubhouse- a community on the Mighty Networks platform. The Club has an integrated forum, on-demand learning library, and live meetings- all in one place. There is only one place to login.
*** You’ll be able to access to Club through an app!!! (And yes, through your browser as well if you usually access the Club on your desktop or laptop!)
The Club forum is NOT on Facebook!!!!
As a bonus, there is also a private podcast feed for all of the live event recordings. This private podcast feed makes Club materials sooooo much easier to access and re-listen!
Am I going to get direct interaction with Robyn?
YES! I (Robyn!) participate in the forum (a LOT), plus I’m in allllll live Club meetings (sometimes I host a guest presenter!) All our interaction will happen in The Club.
The Club also has a small team of professionals who participate as coaches in the forum- Club members receive a lot of support!
I’m still a little confused- why do I need an ongoing group?
You might not! But almost all the parents who work with me or reach out to me are having a really hard time implementing what they are learning about brain-based and trauma-informed parenting. It’s not because they can’t do it or because it doesn’t work! It’s because those parents need more connection and support in order to stay regulated enough to parent the way they want to parent! I used to be unsure if the virtual world could offer the co-regulation that folks need. I’ve learned the virtual world isn’t perfect at offering connection and co-regulation- but it’s pretty darn good.
Is The Club private or confidential?
While nothing on the internet should be considered private or confidential, here are the steps we take to protect your privacy:
We do not share names or photos of anyone who is not in The Club, including our children and partners. We work hard to give the least amount of information possible while also giving as much as information as necessary to get the support we need.
Some steps you can take to protect your identify in The Club include not using your last name in your profile, not using a photo of yourself, and not including your location in your profile.
One of our Club policies/guidelines is that what happens in the Club stays in the Club. Kinda like Vegas. We don’t discuss what happens in the Club or people in the Club outside of the Club.
Please know that The Club welcomes both parents and professionals. You may discover other folks in your community are members of The Club.
A special note to professionals: No aspect of The Club is HIPAA compliant. Client discussion is never permitted in any forum or at live events. The Club for Professionals is a separate forum where we share resources- it is not a substitute for consultation.
“As soon as I heard about The Club
my interest was immediately piqued. In spite of the exhaustion and the overwhelm there is that deep longing to be seen. To be known. To be heard. But in a safe way. I can’t just go share my story with anybody.
I thought, “Oh, I’d love to get the next level with Robyn and her team.” So I joined and have absolutely not been disappointed. Not just not disappointed, but it’s been amazing. It’s been so supportive for me as an individual.
As a parent, I need to be seen, understood, felt, connect with other people, and be able to get that co-regulation.Then, I can offer that to my child. Especially when you just get so worn down. You can know all the things and yet, it’s still so hard to just keep doing it. I need to connect with other people who just get it. And that is totally been my experience in The Club. It’s really kind of wild to feel seen and known by a group of people that I’ve never met, probably never will meet. I think about these people at random moments of the day. “This person is going through this” or “I wonder how they’re doing now.” Or just maybe an idea that they’ve shared on the forum that I’m like, ‘oh, I’m gonna apply that now’.
And in doing that, I know there is somebody else out there. I’m not alone, I’m not alone.”
~Club member (The Club fiercely protects confidentiality so identities in testimonials are never shared)