If I’m not fully committed to the process of unfolding, to solidly standing in “I wonder what is going to happen next” with a deep willingness to go where my client needs to go, I will inevitably slip into a state of fear when the next moment doesn’t go as I wanted or expected.
This slip into fear will pull me out of embodied integration, out of ventral vagal, out of social engagement. And now connection and safety are gone because my client no longer has access to my ventral vagal state as a soft place to land.
The beacon has gone out.
When we are afraid of what’s unfolding our system will move toward rigidity (agenda, judgment) or chaos. This could be such a small shift that we aren’t even aware of it…but neuroceptively our clients become aware.
Afraid that we don’t know what to do. Afraid that we aren’t a good therapist after all. Afraid of what their parents (or the insurance company or our boss or whoever) will think. Afraid that without a protocol, you lose the containment in the session. Afraid of the space of “I don’t know what is going to happen next.” Afraid that without our client’s validating that we are good, that maybe we really aren’t.
Be fiercely committed to the process of self-knowing.
Be fiercely committed to the practice of staying in curiosity. Be fiercely committed to the belief that the client will go exactly where they need to go. They simply need you to go with.
Stay on their path.
