4 Functions of Behavior, FBAs, and a Nervous System Approach {EP 271}


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For years, “the four functions of behavior” has been the go-to framework for understanding why kids do what they do: attention, escape, access to tangibles, sensory. It’s not wrong, but it’s not the whole story either. In this episode, we dig into where this model actually came from, what it leaves out, and what’s underneath it once we go looking with a relational neuroscience lens.

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

  • Where the four functions of behavior actually came from, and why this is relevant
  • Why naming a behavior’s “function” and saying it started in the nervous system aren’t competing ideas — they’re just two different layers of the same truth 
  • What’s actually underneath attention-seeking, escape, tangible-seeking, and sensory behavior – and how to start identifying the missing skill that can be scaffolded

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

  • The Club (membership community + troubleshooting worksheet)

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best-Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

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What is Your Kid’s Nervous System Predicting? Part 3 of 3 {EP 270}


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We’ve been in a three-part series on sticky behaviors (behaviors that don’t seem to change, no matter WHAT you do!), and today we’re doing the detective work: what is your specific child’s nervous system actually predicting? 

In This Episode

  • Three detective questions to help you identify what prediction might be driving your child’s stickiest behaviors, and what those behaviors are actually protecting against
  • Why you don’t have to get the detective work exactly right, because the mismatched experience that changes the brain is almost always the same thing no matter what prediction is running
  • How your working theory about your child’s nervous system changes something in you first, and why this is so important (but also, no pressure. We’re all doing the best we can)

Resources Mentioned

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

What Actually Changes Sticky Behaviors (Part 2 of 3) {EP 269}


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Part 1 was about why sticky behaviors stay stuck. Part 2 is where the hope lives. We’re diving into the two mechanisms that actually change sticky behaviors at the neurological level. This is the episode that makes the hardest ask of Part – shifting away from ‘fix-it’ and ‘this has to change’ energy- make sense.

In this episode you’ll learn:

  • Why your child’s dysregulation isn’t the obstacle to healing; it’s actually the doorway to it
  • The two mechanisms that change sticky behaviors at the neurological level, why one creates the conditions for the other, and why neither of them will look like anything is working for a long time
  • What it actually means to stay regulated during your child’s hardest moments 

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Why Sticky Behaviors Stay Stuck (Part 1 of 3) {EP 268}


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If you’ve tried everything and a behavior just won’t stop…that’s a sticky behavior. Let’s dive deeeeeep into the neuroscience behind the behaviors that feel impossible to change. We’ll touch on how the brain stores predictions and how the most well-meaning response can actually, unintentionally, keep those predictions locked in place and perpetuate that sticky behavior. This is Part 1 of a 3-part series that brings new aha moments to your child’s most baffling behaviors.

In this episode, you will learn:

  • Why your child’s brain holds onto certain behaviors so tightly, and why it has nothing to do with defiance or choice
  • What neural glue is and why the behaviors encoded under overwhelm and aloneness are the stickiest of all
  • Why the urge to make a behavior stop can actually confirm the very prediction the behavior is protecting

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Boredom Triggers Dysregulation {Ep 267}


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When kids can’t tolerate boredom, it’s easy to forget to put on our X-ray vision goggles and chalk it up to too much screen time or even not enough gratitude. Our kids’ reaction to boredom triggers OUR watchdog brain! If we can invite our owl to come back, we will almost certainly see that boredom flips our kids’ nervous system into protection mode.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why boredom can trigger the nervous system to shift onto the protection pathway
  • How vulnerability in the nervous system (whether from ADHD, autism, trauma, or any other reason a kid has a vulnerable nervous system) impacts a child’s experience of boredom 
  • Practical, nervous-system-informed ways to gradually build your child’s boredom tolerance 

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

When Things Are Genuinely Impossible: One Dad’s Story {EP 266}

A dad – who is also a former foster youth and the director of non-profit supporting foster and adoptive families – shares an honest and tender conversation about what it’s actually like to parent kids with big, baffling behaviors when life is also impossibly hard. He shares the staggering losses his family has carried over the past few years, how he found The Baffling Behavior Show, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and The Club…and what has genuinely helped him keep going. This one is for every parent who has felt utterly alone in this journey- AND for every professional who needs a reminder of what the real work actually is.

In this episode you’ll learn:

  • Why being seen by people who truly get it matters more than any tool or strategy
  • How learning to receive and offer presence (not just advice) changes the way you show up everywhere- with your kids, at work, and even in a Whataburger drive-through
  • What it looks like to hold hope and honesty at the same time- staying grounded in how hard things really are without sliding into toxic positivity or despair

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Nothing Changed & Everything Changed – A mom interview {EP 265}


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A single mom who adopted boy-girl twins through foster care shares about her slow, almost invisible journey from survival mode to genuinely delighting in her now-13-year-old kids. Nothing shifted in one big moment.  Yet somehow, everything changed.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why the shift from “I have to fix this right now” to “I can just be with you in this” is the thing that changes everything — for your kids and for you
  • How letting go of performing shame (in school meetings, with professionals, for society) freed up the energy to actually parent
  • Why the biggest leaps — academic, emotional, social — consistently happened during the stretches when they stopped trying to fix anything and just existed together

Listen to the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Responding to the Judgement and Advice from Others {EP 264}


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Parenting kids with big, baffling behaviors is hard enough. THEN someone has opinions about it. This episode breaks down why people say the things they say (hint: it’s about their nervous system, not your parenting), what’s actually happening in you when judgment lands, and how to respond- or not respond- in a way that protects your own regulation.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why unsolicited advice and criticism are almost always a projection from the other person’s protection brain 
  • How to recognize when explaining yourself won’t actually help 
  • Practical ways to respond to judgment (included below!!)

Scripts

  • “Thank you. I’m comfortable with our parenting decisions.”
  • “I hear you. I need to tend to my child right now.”

Neutral / Redirect

  • “We’ve got it covered, thanks.”
  • “We have a lot of support around this.”
  • “I have people I go to for that.”
  • “That’s not something I’m looking for input on.”
  • “We’re working with someone on it.”

Warmer but Still a Clear Boundary

  • “I appreciate that you care. We’re good.”
  • “Thanks for thinking of us — we’ve got support.”

Confident / Firmer

  • “I’m not looking for advice, but thank you.”
  • “That’s not actually something I’m open to feedback on.”
  • “We’re pretty settled on how we’re handling it.”
  • “I’m not going to take that in, but I hear you.”

For the chronic offender (someone who keeps coming back)

  • “We’ve talked about this- we’re not changing course.”
  • “I’ve let you know this isn’t something I want input on.”

The subject-change version

  • “Mmm. Anyway…” (and move on)
  • “Noted.” (full stop)

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

The Framework That Works on Everyone in the Room {EP 263}


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Whether you’re supporting a dysregulated eight-year-old, a parent who’s convinced nothing is working, or the version of yourself driving home after a really hard week, the science is exactly the same. Let’s look at how the theory underneath this podcast, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and the BBTI’s Professional Immersion Program are grounded in the same unified relational neuroscience framework. This paradigm supports your work with kids, parents, and yourself. You only have to learn it once, because it scales!

This is the second episode in a row I’ve recorded for professionals and helpers. Next week, we’ll be back with episodes for parents! (Of course, anyone can listen to all of them!)

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why the nervous system framework that explains kids’ behavior is the exact same one that explains parents’ behavior…and yours
  • What it actually means to “be the owl” as a professional, and why that is the intervention
  • Why your reactions to clients aren’t failures of professionalism. Their information, and getting curious about them makes you a better helper

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen to the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Why Helpers Burn Out- and what to do about it {EP 262}


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The helpers ~ therapists, coaches, teachers, advocates ~ are burning out at alarming rates. We talk endlessly about self-care, caseload management, and having better boundaries but almost nobody is addressing the root cause. 

This is a special episode that I recorded for all the professionals who listen. All the helpers who show up day after day because they love to help the parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. All the helpers who are tired and wondering how much longer they can keep doing this. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why working with clients in chronic protection mode pulls helpers into protection mode too – and how that’s the real starting point of burnout
  • Applying the “all behavior makes sense” framework to your own nervous system responses changes everything about how you work
  • The skill that actually prevents burnout – and why bubble baths and calendar blocking aren’t it

And if you want to learn more, you can join 4000+ other professionals and me in Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors- a 4 part free audio training for professionals!

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

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