Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors finally hits the bookshelves and your mailbox this week.
We’ve spent the last month talking about owls, watchdogs, and possums.
Today, as I move toward wrapping up this writing-and-publishing-a-book chapter in my life, let’s talk a little more about the neuroscience of owls, watchdogs, and possums, why the science matters, and how my work has surprisingly become more about helping the grown-ups love their own owl, watchdog, and possum brains.
Interpersonal Neurobiology
A core tenet of IPNB is that the human brain, mind, and relationships are all complex systems. Complex systems have a natural co-organizing capacity and are always moving toward integration. Integration, the linkage of differentiated parts, is a fundamental characteristic of mental wellness.
Characteristics of an Integrated Middle Prefrontal Cortex
Dr. Siegel’s research on IPNB indicates that the characteristics of integration, including things like response flexibility, attuned communication, body regulation, empathy, and fear modulation, are also characteristics of secure attachment.
Most of the parents I know with kids with baffling behaviors would agree that they’d love to increase their child’s characteristics of integration and secure attachment. Would your child’s behaviors be so baffling if your child had characteristics of regulation, attunement, and response flexibility?
Integration and Our Observing Selves
The experiences of secure attachment contribute to the development of what researchers would call ‘the observing self.’ The part of ourselves that can observe and reflect upon ourselves- without judgment.
Our observing self both emerges from integration and prompts integration.
This observing self is one important characteristic of the owl brain.
Polyvagal Theory and the Autonomic Nervous System
The ventral vagal complex in the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system invites social connectedness. When we are feeling safe, our default mode is to move toward (and be available for) connection. Being in a ventral vagal state invites and reciprocates connection with others and ourselves. This social connectedness then strengthens our ventral vagal nerve.
The ventral vagus = owl brain.
Strong Owl Brains
To nurture our children’s hatching owl brains (their observing self and their ventral vagal brake) we need adults to have strong owl brains.
Strong owl brains allow the grown-ups to see children’s behavior for what it really is- a reflection of the state of their nervous system.
At first, the only strategy is for the adult to stay in their owl brain, offering connection, co-regulation, and felt safety.
Slowly this presence begins to strengthen and organize the child’s owl brain (strengthens the ventral vagus, the observing self, and the stress response system).
Young, emerging owl brains LOVE metaphor and play. Playfully integrating the metaphor of owls, watchdogs, and possums into our children’s lives strengthens their owl brain.
Eventually, kids grow owl brains strong enough to be observing, non-judgmental, and compassionate- toward themselves!
Adults, too
Here’s the unexpected part. This whole experience of using our owl brains to help strengthen our child’s owl brain strengthens our owl brains, too.
This will increase your capacity to stay connected to yourself in the face of your child’s dysregulation. Your way of being- not something you actually do- is what invites of moment of presence and integration within your child’s dysregulated nervous system.
You love your child’s watchdog and possum parts by loving your own.
Holding You in My Owl’s Wings
Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors uses metaphor, story, and science to strengthen your owl brain (ventral vagal complex) and increase your window of stress tolerance. It is my hope that in reading this book, you will feel held by my owl brain.
Thankfully, I have owl wings wrapped around my watchdog and possum brain, too. You can read about those folks in my acknowledgments.
I have so many owls who have knit themselves into my neurobiology and strengthened my own owl self so that I can offer compassionate gratitude and nonjudgmental presence to you and your child.
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain Body Sensory Strategies that Really Work
Listen on the Podcast
This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.
Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.
Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’
Robyn
