When Parenting Advice Hurts {BONUS}

today's podcast episode is just a short little note from me, Robin. How many parenting experts do you follow on social media? How tall is your stack of parenting books? Have you seen the stack of books in my office is tall? How many blogs you read? How many podcasts? Are you listening to? Sheesh, even the next door neighbor and the checkout person at the grocery store seem real happy to give parenting advice. Wouldn't it be awesome if your child's vulnerable nervous system was healed by an Instagram real. There's some pretty amazing grounded authentic voices out there giving some pretty amazing grounded and authentic thoughts on and ideas about raising kids and raising kids in this brain based nervous system based perspective. I'm super, super grateful to them. They're doing amazing nothing they're doing is wrong. But I also know that these are just one more place that you can end up feeling very unseen, or worse, even shamed. The thoughts can that can come into our minds or like, this person has 1 million followers on Instagram and a popular podcast, it must mean that their advice works, right? And if it works for everyone, why isn't it working for me? Parenting can be an experience that unites us connects us brings it together. But it can also be an experience that causes more isolation. And I suppose I should mention that I'm not convinced that vulnerable nervous systems need healed. I mean, yes, if your child's nervous system vulnerability has been caused by trauma or toxic stress, then it makes a lot of sense that our hope for our kids is to bring healing to bring presents to bring to bring seeing to help desensitize that stress response systems, or our child can be their most resilient self, but some vulnerable nervous systems are just this amazing, unique part of people and, and who they are. And we don't need to work that hard to change them, we need to work hard to change the systems that are expecting all people to be the same. But anyway, that's a conversation for another day. And and actually, I had that conversation with my friend, Marshall Wiles, where we talked about ableism and parenting. So if that conversation intrigues you, you can head to my website and search for Marshall Lyles. The worst part of all of this is that the families and the most need have a quick solution that's memorable or reliable, are the families who aren't helped by memorable or reliable solutions. It's not that those ideas, the ideas, we can cram into a meme or a 62nd. Real, it's not that those ideas are bad. I mean, maybe some of them are bad. But the accounts that I follow on social media, they have great ideas. That's just that they're not enough. I know that you do not have the time to learn the complex neuroscience of behaviors that you can figure out what on earth is going on with your kid and yourself. Because you are constantly putting out fires and cleaning up messes and recovering from the exhaustion of being yelled at by your kid as well as continually being let down by all the services and professionals who are supposed to help you but aren't. I also know that you didn't become a parent so that you can learn about the amazing science of behavior. I mean, I think it's amazing, because it's my job. But yeah, that certainly wasn't your plan. I recently said to my own therapist, this is not the way my life was supposed to unfold. And she smiled and said, you and everyone else. Now, to be fair, me and her been together for a really long time and our relationships had a place where this didn't feel minimizing. In fact, I actually had a moment of relief when she said that, of, of being connected of not being alone of being connected to like, well, everyone. This isn't the way life was supposed to unfold. I want you to have the space to grieve that to revolt against it to shake your fist at the sky and stomp your feet like I do sometimes.
And then I want you But to have the space to take a breath to welcome and comfort your tantruming self because it is not fair. And then maybe it'll feel okay to take a breath attune to yourself that indeed, it is not fair and it isn't what you planned. But here we are. And you all here we are together. You aren't alone in this. There are more families of kids with vulnerable nervous systems around the globe that I can't even begin to count. More families of kids who have survived horrifying traumas, more parents who have survived trauma themselves and are just trying not to pass it on or at least trying to pass it on less. I podcast has passed 325,000 listens. That's a lot of people. I'm devastated at how many people need my help but also you aren't alone. I also have been making a few reels here and there over on Instagram, which I know is kind of ironic, since I just said reasonable ideas are often leaving you feeling alone, but I'm trying to make reels that are leaving you feeling the opposite. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail. But if you want to check them out and join me on this success failure rupture repair journey. Come find me over on Instagram