Being Not Doing- The fertile ground of therapy
Therapists and helpers are so committed to their craft and their clients. Our hearts to help and heal are enormous, and we’d do anything to help a client experience their true self the same we that WE experience them- as precious, loveable, and exactly who they are supposed to be.
There is nothing wrong with you!!!!
We are so committed to this that we can become preoccupied with learning the next new technique or protocol. These tools offer so much hope. And we want to help our clients feel better as fast as possible! Our job is to work ourselves OUT of a job…as quickly as we can!!!
But the thing is…therapy usually isn’t very fast.
How could it be fast when the hurting has lasted for years? Maybe a lifetime. And the double whammy is that the faster we try to do therapy, the more we rely on a technique or a protocol at the expense of attunement and relational resonance, the slower therapy will go. Like so many things, it’s the ultimate paradox. The thing we think will speed it up is actually slowing us down. If we decide to be OK with the slow pace, it will actually go faster ;)
May 2020 be the year we focus on the ‘being’ in therapy and not the ‘doing’ in therapy. I’ve been lulled into thinking I needed to learn the latest and hottest technique, too. It built my confidence and helped me stay regulated in session when the “what on earth do I do now” moments came up. But I have been watching with growing curiosity at the field of psychotherapy as more and more ‘techniques’ and ‘protocols’ come out. Sliding into a left-brained technique and following a strict protocol will break the resonance…and the resonance is needed for integration to occur.
I’ve benefited from techniques, to be sure. EMDR. SE. Theraplay. I’ve benefited as a therapist and a client and absolutely weave these modalities into my treatment approach!! So I’m not saying at all that there is no place for techniques!! But a technique or protocol is such a teeny tiny part of the therapeutic experience and can only be successfully implemented inside a relationship full of felt-safety and attunement.
It literally isn’t possible to strictly follow a protocol and stayed attuned.
Use the ‘bones’ of the protocol and stay fiercely attuned to and connected with your client. Focus on widening your own window of tolerance- especially for uncertainty and ambiguity- and be deeply committed to looking at your own implicit vulnerabilities- WE ALL HAVE THEM.
Find your people. Don’t do therapy without colleagues who speak your language, share your theoretical orientation, and understand the intensity of the work we do. Find a mentor. Always be in consultation. Don’t do this alone. It is inside relationship where WE can grow our capacity to hold our client’s stories.
Practice being with. A lot. It’s good for you :)
Robyn
- Grieving as a Parent with a History of Trauma: Part 6 of 6 {EP 255} - March 3, 2026
- Identifying Your Triggers as a Parent with a History of Trauma: Part 5 of 6 {EP 254} - February 24, 2026
- Caring for your Own Watchdog & Possum as a Parent with a History of Trauma: Part 4 of 6 {EP 253} - February 17, 2026
