Finding Playfulness

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be immersed in pleasure? Play? Delight?  Fun for the sake of fun?

Even if just for a moment or two??

It could erupt spontaneously in the kitchen.  While you are driving.  Showering.  Making the bed.

Pleasure, playfulness, and delight aren’t about DOING something.

Pleasure, playfulness, and delight are about BEING something.

Something open. Expansive. Vulnerable.

Something without agenda or expectation.

Something where it’s OK that there is no specific outcome you are striving for.

Playfulness is our safe, connected, regulated social engagement system getting a little (or even a lot!) of energy from our sympathetic nervous system.  Energy. Arousal. Activation.

Playfulness is dipping into that energy, arousal, and activation while feeling safe.

I’m hearing from parents and therapists and well….humans….that playfulness has been lost.

And that makes sense.

Playfulness is open. Expansive. Vulnerable.

And it happens when we feel safe and connected- to ourselves and/or others.

In fact, Jaak Panksepp- the famous tickling rat researcher- said that our play circuity becomes available only when our seeking system has found the connection we are always searching for.  Connection with ourselves or with others.

And Stephen Porges- the theorist behind the Polyvagal Theory- says that we must be experiencing felt-safety in order to move into the playful part of our nervous system.

Well.

Feeling safe and experiencing connection are feeling especially hard right now.

And if you are parenting, caring for, or living with someone with a history of trauma (or if you have a history of trauma), playfulness feels like a stranger.

Playfulness is a way back to ourselves.

And moments of playfulness add up.

Moments of playfulness are like doing a brain bicep curl.  It strengths the nervous system and builds resilience.  You probably need to do more than one bicep curl.  And you probably need to do just…one….more even when your arms are tired in order to realllllly build that muscle.

But it’s about doing one.

Then the next one.

And the next one.

Each one matters.  Each one counts.

Each moment of playfulness matters.

Each moment counts.

Find a silly video on the internet.  There are PLENTY.

Laugh.

Watch a silly show or movie (we’ve been watching The Good Place…Season 1 in particular is just plain silly).

Sing and dance while you are drying dishes.  Or driving.

Have a sword fight with the 20 pound tubes of ground beef in the grocery store.

(Oh wait…that might be only something my family would do….)

Prioritize finding a moment of playfulness every day.

Then a couple times a day.

Be deliberate about it.

Eventually you’ll build that muscle and you might not always have to always be so intentional.

Though in times of stress, playfulness feels elusive.  This makes sense because we aren’t feeling safe!!! So when we are stressed, we might have to be deliberate and intentional about finding playfulness.

Ask yourself- is it OK to feel safe when I am safe?

Then…am I safe right now….in these next five moments while I’m in my kitchen getting breakfast for my kids.  Or driving to the grocery store.  Or while I’m brushing my teeth.

If it’s OK to feel safe when you are safe, and you’re safe for even just a few moments….see what it feels like to inject playfulness.

Shake your booty to the same tempo you are brushing your teeth back and forth…up and down.

Delight in yourself.

Bicep curl for the brain.

Robyn

If you haven’t checked out the free, three-part video series (and e-book, also free!!!) on Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors, what are you waiting for?!?!  CLICK HERE!

And…..if you would like to dive really deep into this approach to parenting a child, especially one who has experienced trauma, you will love my course, Parenting after Trauma: Minding the Heart and Brain.  Check it out by CLICKING HERE!   There’s a whole section on playfulness!