Hunker Down & Hang On

Yesterday I sent an out an email with the subject line “Last Week Sucked.” 

I wanted to offer up a sense of ‘I’m WITH you!!!” that all of us have terrible days, weeks, months, (and even a year…).  I write so often on compassion, curiosity, and hope- and I have a very deliberate practice in my own life of noticing things that are good that sometimes I worry I give of the vibe of “everything’s perfect here!  No problems in my life!”

Nope nope and nope.  I DO work hard to be deliberate about noticing things that are good, but that isn’t so I don’t notice the things that aren’t.  It’s so a grow my capacity to manage the things that aren’t.  It’s not a path toward spiritual bypassing; it’s a path toward authentically and truly being with ALL experiences.  Good and bad ones.

(Also- I understand there is great privilege in my ability to do this.  I currently choose to believe that I can use my privilege for good- and a way I do that is by caring for my nervous system so I can support those who don’t benefit from the same privilege).  

So anyway, I just wrote an honest, authentic email about how last week sucked.

And I found myself writing “I really don’t even have anything helpful to say about how to get through sucky times.  Sometimes all we can to is hunker down, hang on, and hope it’s over soon.”

Turns out, that really resonated with folks.

Y’all, sometimes there are simply no silver linings.  There is no way to wrap things up in a bow or say ‘this was worth it’ or ‘this good thing happened because of this bad thing’ or any other sort of platitude that can sometimes be helpful but is more often a way we try to ignore how much things hurt.

Sometimes there are no coping skills that we can use that will help.  Sometimes there is no boundary to set.  Sometimes there is quite literally nothing we can DO.

Sometimes things just suck.

A lot.

And you may even be thinking “uh….this isn’t going to be over soon.”

Whatever your this is.

That very well may be true.

But there is a way to bring hope together with radical acceptance.  Radical acceptance says “this is what it is and I can’t do anything about this.”  (Well kinda…it’s more complicated that that but not really the overall point I’m trying to make here so I’m not going to go any further into it right now).  Hope says “It’s not possible for this to never change.  The world, people, energy, etc. isn’t static.  Even if this situation doesn’t change, my relationship to the experience will.  I’ve never had a feeling get stuck.” Hope says “Even though this terrible experience isn’t going to change, I can not be ALONE in the experience.”  Because it’s not experiences that cause things to be traumatic.  It’s aloneness.

We can keep a foot in hope.  A foot in radical acceptance. 

Things do change.  They will change.

And to be clear.

This mantra of hunker down, hang on, and hope it’s over soon….it’s not a great mantra for everything 😊  In fact, it’s probably not a great mantra for most things.  Some things need us to respond with anger.  With creating change.  With setting a boundary.

But sometimes that just isn’t possible.  And all we can do is hang on.

Hang on, dear ones.  Hang on.

Robyn

PS- Have you seen my free resources page?  Check it out and snag yourself a free video series and ebook on Trauma, Memory, and Behaviors.  OR a free video series on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety- which is at the core of my philosophy and all my writings!!!  CLICK HERE to grab those right away!

PPS- If your craving the co-regulation and connection you deserve so you have the support you need during these impossible moments, come join us in The Club- a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education.