JD Wilson is one of the co-hosts of the Empowered to Connect podcast and an Empowered to Connect Parent Trainer. He’s also the director of Director of Communication and Community Engagement at Memphis Family Connection Center. Most importantly though, JD is a dad and he got his training – and continued practice!- in connection-based parenting ‘on the job.’

Keep reading or listen on the podcast

JD and I finally met earlier this year when he and his co-host Tona Ottinger interviewed me on the Empowered to Connect podcast- and oh my goodness, did we laugh our heads off. I wanted to have JD on the podcast if for no other reason than to re-create how much fun we had when on was on his.

From Correction to Connection

JD vulnerably shares his story of struggling to parent his kids in a way that felt good, to taking the Empowered to Connect training as a dad, to starting the Empowered to Connect podcast, to becoming an Empowered to Connect trainer, and now jumping onto the professional team at MFCC.

JD is obviously a fun and playful guy, and he seems so aware of himself, that it might be easy to think that this connected way of parenting is a cinch for him.

We laughed together about that.

From Legend to Lost

JD admitted that he went into the parenting journey expecting it to be pretty easy. Apparently, before he became a parent, JD was a ‘legend’ as a baby-sitter and he expected that this would be true in parenting.

JD and his wife turned to connected parenting because they didn’t know what else to do. Their tools weren’t working, the way that they were parented when they were children wasn’t working. They wanted to learn a different way.

It wasn’t easy. In fact, JD said “for the first couple years of shifting our parenting, it felt like we were running through a swamp.”

It was just so hard to actually put the connected parenting ideals into practice.

One Day It Finally Clicked

JD shared a story about the day when he felt like he was finally able to truly by the connected parent he was striving to be.

He remembers that he was finally able to stay regulated long enough to be with his child through their entire dysregulated experience and that all the co-regulation tools he had learned finally worked.

Worked meaning he and his child felt more connected after, and worked meaning it brought a new level of intimacy to their overall relationship.

“Once we began to get connected to our whole child and their whole heart, it became a lot more difficult to respond with anger or to stay focused on just correcting their behavior- and it became a lot more worth it.”

For JD, the definition of worked shifted from “How do I get this behavior to stop?” to “Does my kid have permission to be their true whole self, regardless of what that looks like. Can I be with them in their true, authentic experience?”

At the end of the day, JD said, what every human being is longing for is connection. To be fully known and fully loved.

It’s what the adults need, too

A Journey For Our Kids…and Ourselves

JD and I agreed that we both went on journeys that seemed like we were looking for tools to help our kids, but really we were unknowingly searching for the tenets of connection-based parenting for ourselves.

“I’ve discovered a new depth of joy from working to be authentic and fully present in my relationships with my children, which has impacted all of my relationships- including the one with myself.

Connected-Parenting Tipping Point

JD and I dove a little deeper into his connected parenting tipping point- the moment not when his kid finally responded differently to him but the moment when he responded differently to his child. The slow-motion, dramatic-music-moment where it all kinda clicked for him and he was able to truly move toward his child with compassion—and then watch his child’s brain come back into connection.

JD describes the moment he remembers being able to clearly use his ‘x-ray vision goggles’ (that’s not what he called it, but that’s what was happening!) to see what was going on inside his child. That moment filled JD with compassion and regulation and gave him the energetic space to truly hold all of his child’s feelings and behaviors.

X-Ray Vision

YES! This is exactly why I love to dive into the neuroscience with parents and professionals in a way that’s practical and relevant to their real lives. Understanding what’s happening in our children and what is driving their behavior doesn’t just give us better ideas about how to help them- it allows us to stay more regulated.

When we stay more regulated we see our children for their true selves- a precious child who is struggling. The child is struggling a lot and needs our help!

Then we change how we see that child.

Changing how we see people changes people.

Theory Becomes Real

JD said that shifting his parenting to a more connected-parenting model required a lot of faith and trust on his part. The science made sense to him and even though it wasn’t immediately easy to implement in his real life, he trusted the people who were teaching him.

But it wasn’t until that moment that he really felt “Oh, this works.”

In that moment, it was almost as if he finally got the map instead of just a promise.

It was such an honor to sit with JD for 50 minutes. He was open, vulnerable, and honest about what’s been hard for him and how many times he’s fallen short (short answer: a lot…just like the rest of us).

Hit play on the podcast episode to hear the full episode.

Connect More with JD

You will definitely want to head over to the Empowered to Connect podcast and hit ‘subscribe.’  JD and his co-host Tona Ottinger are committed to supporting families just like yours.

Start with the episode where JD and Tona interviewed me!  We laughed our heads off and talked about why There’s No Such Thing as Self-Regulation

Robyn

Ready to put on your own x-ray vision goggles and get the relief that comes with switching from correction-based parenting to connection-based parenting?

Watch my F R E E video-series on What Behavior Really Is…and How to Change It.

Just let me know where to send the links!