Can’t Wait! Frustration Tolerance and Delayed Gratification {EP 245}


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Does your child get stuck in “buy me, buy me, buy me!” mode? Or maybe they melt down when they can’t have what they want right now?

I know it seems selfish, manipulative, or even bratty- but we want to put on our x-ray vision goggles and get curious about WHY. 

In this episode, we’ll unpack why delayed gratification and frustration tolerance are Owl Brain skills. 

You’ll learn how to grow your child’s capacity to wait, tolerate disappointment, and handle “no” without losing connection (and without losing your mind).

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why delayed gratification and frustration tolerance depend on a strong Owl Brain
  • How to make waiting concrete without turning it into a reward system
  • Why connection and co-regulation- not consequences- grow real frustration tolerance

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

When Watchdogs are Volcanoes: Activation below the Surface {EP 244}


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Is your child suddenly quiet… but you can feel something bubbling under the surface?

They aren’t yelling, running, or arguing like usual- but you can tell their system is still fired up and on high alert.

Today, we’re talking about that “quiet volcano” version of watchdog energy. It looks calm. Still. Almost possum-like.

But inside? Their nervous system is holding a TON of activation right under the surface.

In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between true shutdown and contained watchdog energy, why some kids start holding everything inside, and how to help that “stuck” activation soften and move in safe, co-regulated ways.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why watchdog energy can go quiet and look totally still, even though it’s NOT regulated
  • How to figure out what’s really going on underneath the “calm” exterior
  • What to do when your child is a volcano on the inside, including simple movement-based strategies that help the nervous system come back into rhythm and relational safety

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

  • Resources mentioned in the podcast go here

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Cool, Calculated- But Still in Protection Mode {EP 243}


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Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug- while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection.

But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control.

Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah? 

But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm. 

In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t integrating. They aren’t considering other people, or long-term consequences. They’re thinking, but they’re not connected.

In this Episode, You’ll Learn:

  • Why calm doesn’t always mean regulated (and what’s really going on in those moments).
  • How “clever” misbehavior can actually be protection mode — even when it looks smart or controlled.
  • How a child can plan into the future- and still be in protection mode.
  • What to do after the Owl Brain returns — how to hold accountability, repair, and make success inevitable next time.

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

  • Resources mentioned in the podcast go here

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Why It’s Hard for Your Kid to Take Responsibility {EP 242}


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You ask your child what happened, and before you can finish the sentence, they’re already saying, “It wasn’t my fault!”

Sound familiar?

I know this is SO frustrating! But there’s a reason this is so hard, and it has everything to do with (of course!) the brain and nervous system.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why taking responsibility is an Owl brain skill that depends on reflection, regulation, and cause-and-effect thinking
  • How Watchdog and Possum states block the ability to reflect and instead create defensive, blame-shifting language
  • Simple ways to grow your child’s capacity for responsibility through connection, regulation, and safety, not shame

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

  • All About Me workbook ($15 download on my website or FREE with your Club membership)

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Why Some People Resist Relational Neuroscience {EP 241}


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Sometimes you share something about the brain—like how all behavior makes sense—and people push back hard. Maybe they dismiss it. Maybe they even get mad. It can feel confusing, because once you see the truth of relational neuroscience, it feels like such a relief. So why are some folks so resistant?

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why resistance is often the nervous system’s way of protecting from grief, shame, or instability
  • How relational neuroscience challenges not just parenting practices but entire worldviews
  • Ways to respond—with compassion for others and yourself—when resistance shows up

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Window of Tolerance- What it Is and How to Grow It {EP 240}


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Sometimes, your kids can handle frustration or disappointment with ease, and other times the exact same challenge sends them into meltdown mode. This can feel really baffling! Why are they so inconsistent?

Well, part of that difference comes down to their window of stress tolerance.

In this episode, you’ll learn

  • What the window of stress tolerance is and how it connects to your child’s owl, watchdog, and possum brains
  • Why widening the window matters for learning, relationships, and everyday life
  • Practical ways you can help your child (and yourself!) expand the window through connection, playfulness, noticing the good, and self-compassion

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match {EP 239}


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Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.
  • How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy without dysregulation is a more effective way to bring safety.
  • How growing your window of tolerance and strengthening your owl brain helps you stay regulated while feeling big, hard feelings.

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Happy Birthday RKBBB- and a gift for you! {EP 238}


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Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors turned TWO! 🥳

So, we’re having a party right here on the podcast.

Parties have gifts, so I’m offering three “gifts” for you- a little help around three behaviors that are still SO BAFFLING!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why regression (aka “acting like a toddler”) is actually a sign of your child’s nervous system falling down the protection mode pathway, and a few ideas of how to respond
  • What’s really happening when your child is inconsistent with their skills (sometimes they can, sometimes they can’t!) and why that doesn’t mean they’re being manipulative.
  • How to make sense of your own baffling behavior (like yelling or doing the things you swore you wouldn’t do)…and a couple thoughts on what you should do about it (you won’t be shocked by my recommendations)

We’ll also celebrate the community this book has created and how the ideas in it continue to ripple out through parents, professionals, and kids all over the world.

If you’ve found something helpful in Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors, I’d love for you to join the celebration by sharing your favorite takeaway, leaving a review, or gifting the book to a friend. 

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Connection: A Biological Imperative (for parents) {EP 227}


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Parents aren’t the only ones providing co-regulation — we need it too. In fact, connection is a biological imperative for every nervous system, including yours. When you’re raising kids with big baffling behaviors, the imbalance in reciprocity can be exhausting, isolating, and even grief-inducing. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do this alone, and there are real, meaningful ways to find the connection your nervous system longs for.

In this episode you’ll learn:

  • Why co-regulation isn’t just for kids — it’s essential for parents too
  • How predictability and cues of safety help you know where to find connection
  • Why imbalance and grief in parenting make sense — and what to do with them
  • How communities (even online ones!) can be powerful sources of connection and safety

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Rewriting the Nervous System Story {EP 236}


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Your child’s behavior isn’t telling you the whole story. Their behavior is telling you just the story their nervous system is writing in that moment.

This week, let’s continue my deep dive into my conversation with Deb Dana (episode 233), exploring how polyvagal theory offers us the hope of rewriting the nervous system story. 

We’re going to talk about the power of believing our children when they tell us the story of their nervous system and steps we can take to help them rewrite that story (if needed).

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why “story follows state” and how this helps us understand our children’s accusations, defensiveness, or “overreactions.”
  • How to resist getting swept into your child’s dysregulation tornado, so you can hold onto compassion (for them and yourself).
  • Practical ways to reframe behavior- like lying, defiance, and opposition- as nervous system responses instead of “badness,” and how that shift helps to rewrite their story…and why that matters. 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

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