One way we can support the siblings of kids with big, baffling behaviors is to teach them about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some way to understand the brain and behaviors) as well as to teach them about nervous system vulnerabilities and ‘overactive’ watchdog and possum brains!
In this episode, you’ll learn
- Steps to take when teaching siblings about owls, watchdogs, and possums so they won’t feel like you’re just excusing bad behavior
- The importance of validating your kids’ experience that the way you parent their sibling is unfair
- A couple scripts for talking to your children about their sibling’s watchdog and possum brain
Script for acknowledging that you aren’t responding to their sibling’s behaviors in the way you know would be most helpful:
“I know I should respond differently (be specific if you can) to your brother’s watchdog brain, he would feel safer and you would too. My possum brain is sooooooo strong right now that I just don’t have the energy. I’m working on growing my owl brain so I can help you feel safer, and your brother, too.”
Script that helps siblings understand that bad behavior = struggle, and that understanding is not excusing:
“When sister screams and throws things, we know that her brain and body are feeling very bad. When I’m acting bad, it’s because my brain and body feel bad. You too! But you and I have stronger owl brains so our watchdog brains aren’t as overactive. Sister’s watchdog brain attacks even where there is a teeny tiny problem, like she has to wait a few more minutes to watch her favorite show or play with the toy she wants (use an example if you can). We know this is so hard and scary for you, and we are working so hard to help her watchdog brain feel safer and her owl brain grow stronger.”
Script for validating that it IS unfair:
“It is so unfair that you have to clean your room before you play but your sister gets help with cleaning. I get why you feel mad/sad/resentful.”
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
Listen on the Podcast
This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.
Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.
Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’
Robyn
Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work
