Felt Safety when Nothing Feels Safe {EP 248}


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Should we be talking about felt safety when so much is genuinely unsafe?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this hard and honest question that so many parents are holding: when danger, injustice, and unmet needs are real and ongoing, does focusing on felt safety miss the point? Or can it actually be part of resistance, coherence, and long-term protection for our nervous systems?

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why focusing on felt safety is not the same as ignoring real danger, injustice, or systemic failure- and how both truths can coexist
  • How strengthening the nervous system can reduce long-term harm without minimizing how hard, unfair, or traumatic things are
  • Why regulation and moments of safety, connection, and coherence are not toxic positivity- but a necessary foundation for advocacy, boundaries, and resilience

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

5 Tips from our Top 5 Episodes for our 5th Birthday! {EP 247}


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To celebrate our 5th birthday, I gathered 5 tips from our top 5 episodes.

I’m revisiting important take-aways from episodes about boundaries, oppositional behavior, and how parenting kids with a vulnerable nervous system is traumatic. 

Each of these episodes have a free downloadable infographic! You can find them all at RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

In this episode, you’ll learn

  • What ‘boundary’ really mean (hint: it’s not about controlling anyone else’s behavior)
  • What kind of boundary you need if you have a child who struggles with verbal aggression (psychological boundary!)
  • What’s driving oppositional behavior (and therefore, what do we need to focus on to change it)
  • What types of experiences lead to parenting becoming traumatic

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

  • Free Resource Hub RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Helping Kids Tolerate Shame and Talk about Mistakes {EP 246}


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Ever notice how some kids just cannot talk about hard things- especially if it’s about their own mistakes or ‘bad’ behavior? Maybe they melt down the second you bring it up… or shut down completely.

Let’s unpack what’s really going on when kids refuse to talk about mistakes or anything that feels “bad.” You’ll learn why their brain might be protecting them from feelings that are just too much – and how you can gently help them build the capacity to feel bad and still be okay.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why refusing to talk about hard things isn’t defiance—it’s protection
  • What’s happening in the brain when a child remembers something painful or shame-filled
  • How to scaffold conversations about mistakes using stories, characters, and your own modeling

The difference between avoiding hard conversations from connection mode versus protection mode

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

  • Resources mentioned in the podcast go here

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Can’t Wait! Frustration Tolerance and Delayed Gratification {EP 245}


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Does your child get stuck in “buy me, buy me, buy me!” mode? Or maybe they melt down when they can’t have what they want right now?

I know it seems selfish, manipulative, or even bratty- but we want to put on our x-ray vision goggles and get curious about WHY. 

In this episode, we’ll unpack why delayed gratification and frustration tolerance are Owl Brain skills. 

You’ll learn how to grow your child’s capacity to wait, tolerate disappointment, and handle “no” without losing connection (and without losing your mind).

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why delayed gratification and frustration tolerance depend on a strong Owl Brain
  • How to make waiting concrete without turning it into a reward system
  • Why connection and co-regulation- not consequences- grow real frustration tolerance

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

When Watchdogs are Volcanoes: Activation below the Surface {EP 244}


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Is your child suddenly quiet… but you can feel something bubbling under the surface?

They aren’t yelling, running, or arguing like usual- but you can tell their system is still fired up and on high alert.

Today, we’re talking about that “quiet volcano” version of watchdog energy. It looks calm. Still. Almost possum-like.

But inside? Their nervous system is holding a TON of activation right under the surface.

In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between true shutdown and contained watchdog energy, why some kids start holding everything inside, and how to help that “stuck” activation soften and move in safe, co-regulated ways.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why watchdog energy can go quiet and look totally still, even though it’s NOT regulated
  • How to figure out what’s really going on underneath the “calm” exterior
  • What to do when your child is a volcano on the inside, including simple movement-based strategies that help the nervous system come back into rhythm and relational safety

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

  • Resources mentioned in the podcast go here

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Cool, Calculated- But Still in Protection Mode {EP 243}


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Sometimes our kids look completely calm- even smug- while doing something that definitely isn’t a behavior of connection.

But…they’re not melting down. They’re not screaming. They seem totally in control.

Seems kinda like owl brain, yeah? 

But- it’s not. It’s protection mode, even if the behavior seems calm. 

In this episode, we’ll talk about how kids can use their thinking brain in the service of their protective brain. They might plan, plot, and problem-solve… but they aren’t integrating. They aren’t considering other people, or long-term consequences. They’re thinking, but they’re not connected.

In this Episode, You’ll Learn:

  • Why calm doesn’t always mean regulated (and what’s really going on in those moments).
  • How “clever” misbehavior can actually be protection mode — even when it looks smart or controlled.
  • How a child can plan into the future- and still be in protection mode.
  • What to do after the Owl Brain returns — how to hold accountability, repair, and make success inevitable next time.

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

  • Resources mentioned in the podcast go here

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Why It’s Hard for Your Kid to Take Responsibility {EP 242}


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You ask your child what happened, and before you can finish the sentence, they’re already saying, “It wasn’t my fault!”

Sound familiar?

I know this is SO frustrating! But there’s a reason this is so hard, and it has everything to do with (of course!) the brain and nervous system.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why taking responsibility is an Owl brain skill that depends on reflection, regulation, and cause-and-effect thinking
  • How Watchdog and Possum states block the ability to reflect and instead create defensive, blame-shifting language
  • Simple ways to grow your child’s capacity for responsibility through connection, regulation, and safety, not shame

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

  • All About Me workbook ($15 download on my website or FREE with your Club membership)

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Why Some People Resist Relational Neuroscience {EP 241}


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Sometimes you share something about the brain—like how all behavior makes sense—and people push back hard. Maybe they dismiss it. Maybe they even get mad. It can feel confusing, because once you see the truth of relational neuroscience, it feels like such a relief. So why are some folks so resistant?

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why resistance is often the nervous system’s way of protecting from grief, shame, or instability
  • How relational neuroscience challenges not just parenting practices but entire worldviews
  • Ways to respond—with compassion for others and yourself—when resistance shows up

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Window of Tolerance- What it Is and How to Grow It {EP 240}


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Sometimes, your kids can handle frustration or disappointment with ease, and other times the exact same challenge sends them into meltdown mode. This can feel really baffling! Why are they so inconsistent?

Well, part of that difference comes down to their window of stress tolerance.

In this episode, you’ll learn

  • What the window of stress tolerance is and how it connects to your child’s owl, watchdog, and possum brains
  • Why widening the window matters for learning, relationships, and everyday life
  • Practical ways you can help your child (and yourself!) expand the window through connection, playfulness, noticing the good, and self-compassion

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match {EP 239}


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Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.
  • How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy without dysregulation is a more effective way to bring safety.
  • How growing your window of tolerance and strengthening your owl brain helps you stay regulated while feeling big, hard feelings.

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

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