Parenting a child exhibiting oppositional behavior can feel like a constant power struggle. However, understanding the root cause of this behavior can help you shift from conflict to connection. In this episode, we dive deep into the complexities of oppositional behavior in children, aiming to shed light on the ‘why’ behind the behavior and provide practical strategies to guide parents and caregivers through these challenging dynamics.
Understanding The Behavior
Oppositional behavior in children often stems from a child’s protection mode, a state of mind that develops in response to perceived threats or dangers. The key to addressing this behavior is not to suppress it but to understand its origins and then work on shifting the child’s state from protection mode to connection mode. This shift requires patience, understanding, and a significant amount of self-compassion.
Connection Doesn’t Always Equal Safety
It’s crucial to note that parenting a child with attachment trauma adds an additional layer of complexity to connecting with them. Children with attachment trauma may not equate connection with safety or co-regulation, unlike kids without such a history. This adds a unique challenge to the task of inviting these children from protection mode into connection mode.
Safety And Connection Rather Than Power
An essential aspect of creating a safe environment for children is to address the power dynamics in the parent-child relationship. Adults need to cultivate an environment of safety and connection rather than relying on power over dynamics. This approach invites the child into cooperation and promotes an atmosphere of trust and respect.
Inner, Outer, And Between
A significant concept introduced in the episode is the idea of ‘felt safety.’ Based on decades of psychological and child development research, felt safety comes from three places – inside (the child’s inner world), outside (their environment), and between (the relationship).’
X-ray Vision To See The Cause
In addition to these strategies, we explore the power of X-ray vision in parenting. This concept encourages parents to look beneath their child’s behavior, to see the underlying issues and reasons for their actions. It involves a level of understanding and compassion that can profoundly impact the parent-child relationship, even when the parent feels stuck in protection mode.
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
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- When Your Nervous System Is Fried {Ep 139}
- Neuroimmune Disorders And Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}
- What To Do After We Mess Up {Ep 80}
- Parenting Superpower! X-ray Vision {Ep 13}
- Self-Compassion Will Change Your Brain {Ep 8}
- Neuroimmune Podcast Series!~ robyngobbel.com/neuroimmuneseries
Listen on the Podcast
This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.
Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.
Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’