In this latest podcast episode, we unpack an advanced parenting technique that promises to revolutionize your connection with your children. The technique, ‘Match the Energy, but not the Dysregulation,’ is rooted in insights from polyvagal theory and interpersonal neurobiology.
Be patient
This nuanced approach requires resilience and patience, but when applied consistently, it can offer an emotional mirror for your children and pave the way for improved connection. The process involves understanding the science of the autonomic nervous system, exploring the attachment cycle, and shedding light on the concept of resonance circuitry.
Matching The Energy
The technique is about matching your child’s energy without matching their dysregulation. It’s about responding to their emotional state with an equivalent level of energy, but without falling into the same state of dysregulation. This approach is crucial in the attachment cycle as it fosters a new way of connecting with your children, which can be a game-changer in your parenting journey.
Fight-Flight Vrs. Playful and Energetic
One of the key aspects of this technique involves understanding the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system, which regulates the body’s unconscious actions, has an accelerator and a brake. The individual’s perceived experience of being safe or not safe determines the difference between fight-flight and a playful energetic accelerator in the nervous system while feeling safe.
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Being Safe and Self-Regulated Is Important
However, the implementation of this technique can be challenging. When we match our children’s energy, we risk getting pulled into their dysregulation. We need to remember to stay safe and regulated ourselves. It is crucial to match the energy before moving into soothing, reinforcing its role in the attachment cycle.
It’s Not Just About Behavior
Remember, the goal of this advanced parenting technique is not to change behavior, but to increase regulation, connection, and felt safety. This approach, while seemingly counterintuitive, is a much more efficient pathway to shifting out of dysregulation and into a state of connection and safety.
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
- Lisa Dion Podcast – Regulated Does Not Equal Calm {Ep 31}
- The Club – robyngobbel.com/theclub
- Start Here Podcasts – robyngobbel.com/starthere
Listen on the Podcast
This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.
Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.
Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’