Is Behavior Change the Goal? {EP 224}


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When you’re dealing with whining, hitting, defiance, back talk…well, of course you want it to stop. But what if behavior change isn’t actually the place to start? Not for long term behavior change at least. 

In this episode, I explore why behavior change does matter, but why it’s not the first goal, especially for kids with vulnerable nervous systems.

HEADS UP! I’m not necessarily asking YOU- the one facing these out of control behaviors- to change your goal of behavior change. But…what if the people who are helping you could stay focused on that truth?!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why all behavior makes sense—even the baffling kind
  • What happens when we shift from changing behavior to addressing the nervous system
  • How holding two truths at once helps you feel more regulated, even in hard moments

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

What a Trigger REALLY Is {EP 223}


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In this episode, we’ll unpack the neuroscience behind why we get triggered, what memory processing has to do with it, and how to find your way back to presence and connection.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • The anatomy of a trigger
  • What’s actually happening in your brain when the past takes over the present
  • What to do next- how to help your owl brain come back and parent in the here-and-now

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Lying, Stealing, Regression & Baby Talk {EP 222}


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Why do kids sometimes – or a lot of the time! – suddenly act much younger…or sneakier?! In this episode, we use Dr. Bruce Perry’s concept of state-dependent functioning to reframe some of the baffling behaviors as signs of stress, not signs of defiance.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why regression and baby talk are symptoms of a nervous system in distress 
  • How lying and stealing are driven by survival states
  • What it means when your child’s sense of time collapses and they can’t think about future consequences

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Explore more resources here on my website:

Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources

Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s Year Long Immersion Program for Professionals

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

A Brain-Based Way to Understand Baffling Behavior {EP 221}


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Could you use a short refresher about what I mean when I say your child’s “owl brain flew away”? Or do you know someone who is willing to listen to a short explanation of how you’re approaching your child’s baffling behaviors?

In this episode, I revisit – briefly what behavior really is and the owl, watchdog, and possum brain metaphor. I explain why it’s such a helpful way to understand your child’s baffling behaviors. I also talk about what actually helps those protective brains calm down so the owl can return.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • What the owl, watchdog, and possum brains really represent in your child’s behavior
  • How to recognize which brain state is in charge
  • Why our goal isn’t to fix the behavior but to offer regulation, connection, and safety

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Explore more resources here on my website:

Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)

eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)

LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources

Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club

The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s Year Long Immersion Program for Professionals

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Mini Pep-Talk for When You Feel Like You’re Failing {EP 220}


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If you’ve clicked on this episode because you’re feeling like you’re failing at parenting, at keeping it together, at helping your child, I’m really glad you’re here.

Because first, I want you to know this: you’re not failing. You’re doing something incredibly hard. Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, whether your child has been impacted by trauma, or has sensory differences, or just has a brain wired a little differently, is extremely intensive parenting. 

I created this episode so you can:

  • Easily return to it when you need a ‘mini pep talk’
  • Listen in a short period of time- I know I’m usually a little long winded
  • Be reminded as often as you need: this isn’t your fault. You’re not failing

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

20 Non-Therapy Therapeutic Interventions {EP 219}


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If your kid refuses therapy, what other options are there?

Or maybe they don’t refuse therapy, but you’d still like to increase the therapeutic support for your child and family.

Here are 20 different non-therapy therapeutic supports based on Dr. Perry’s work of ‘moments of healing’ and experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory!

Download the full list of 20 by CLICKING HERE so you don’t have to take notes!

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Questions To Ask a Potential Therapist! {EP 218}


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Have you ever wondered what types of questions you should ask a new therapist to assess how well they understand behaviors through the lens of the nervous system?

No need to take notes during this episode, I created downloadable handouts you can access with just one click. Listen to the episode then head over to my website!

PLEASE NOTE. These are suggestions. Please vet your professionals thoroughly. I’m certain there are many important questions left off of this list. I’m also certain there are many excellent trainings that I did not include in the list of potential trainings. Also, even if a therapist meets all the criteria, that doesn’t mean they are the right therapist for your family. Even someone trained with me isn’t necessarily the therapist or professional that is right for you. 

In this episode, you’ll learn

  • Questions you can ask a therapist to get a feel for how well they conceptualize behaviors through the lens of the nervous system
  • Red flags to pay attention to
  • Trainings on a therapist’s resume that suggest they conceptualize behavior through the lens of ‘all behavior makes sense.’

You don’t have to take notes!

Download the list of questions to ask a potential new therapist by CLICKING HERE.

Download the list of trainings a therapist may have taken that suggest they conceptualize behavior through the lens of the nervous system by CLICKING HERE

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

Co-Regulating? Or Masking? {EP 217}


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Kids with vulnerable nervous systems need more co-regulation than other kids their age and yes it’s exhausting.

Did you know it’s possible to be GOOD exhausted and not just BAD exhausted?!?! 

It’s you’re chronically exhausted, you’re probably not doing as much co-regulation as you are masking how dysregulated you are.

And hey- no judgment here! This is very explicitly a no-judgment episode. I don’t want you to feel bad or even try to do anything different.

In this episode, you’ll learn

  • The difference between co-regulating and masking
  • How doing something really hard (like co-regulating a child with a vulnerable nervous system day in and day out) means that YOU need more connection and co-regulation, too!
  • That you don’t need to try to do anything different right now, it’s too much work to do anything different. In this episode, I’ll just ask you to notice- without judgment

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

“On Purpose” Behavior {EP 216}


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Have you ever wondered how those behaviors that feel ‘on purpose’ fit into this nervous system approach?

They feel so intentional! Like there is so much Owl-brain thought involved.

But they certainly aren’t behaviors of connection!!!

This episode will:

  • Demystify ‘on purpose’ behaviors
  • Remind you to always consider regulation, connection, and felt safety…then strategize how to respond to those ‘on purpose’ behaviors accordingly

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

The #1 Ingredient of Self-Regulation {EP 215}


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Monitoring and modifying are the two essential elements of regulation. ~ Dr. Dan Siegel

When we really understand what makes up the skill of self-regulation, we can be more intentional about helping our kids develop those skills.

We can also be more understanding and compassionate when they aren’t able to use those skills!

This episode explores the skills of monitoring (noticing) and modifying (changing) our level of arousal and activation as the main ingredients of self-regulation.

Remember that self-regulation can only develop with enough co-regulation. But once there is a strong foundation of co-regulation, we can encourage our kids to develop the skills to notice and change (when appropriate or needed!) their level of arousal. 

In this episode, you’ll learn

  • The main ingredients of self-regulation- monitor & modify
  • How to scaffold up to teaching kids to monitor and modify
  • How to have appropriate expectations about your child’s ability to monitor and modify, even after they have learned the skills

Resources Mentioned on the Podcast

Listen on the Podcast

This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.

Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.

Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’

Robyn

Author of National Best Selling Book (including audiobook) Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work

/by

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