Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain?
Do they tell you it’s stupid or yell at you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk at all?
I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room).
This isn’t because you are doing it work.
Or because your child is controlling or delights in arguing and being uncooperative.
It also doesn’t mean that the metaphor doesn’t work for your child. Promise.
Why?
There’s really just one main reason.
People refuse to do things because they don’t like how it feels. Not only does it feel bad, it feels TOO bad.
Why does talking about the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum Brain Feel Bad?
Self-reflection is an owl brain skill. It’s possible that your child simply doesn’t have that skill yet. Being asked to do something that’s impossible feels bad.
Frustration tolerance is an owl brain skill. Is your child’s owl brain strong enough to tolerate doing something hard?
Thinking has Feelings and Sensations
The way our minds, memory, and neural networks work, asking kids to think about or talk about their watchdog or possum brain is going to bring watchdog and possum feelings and sensations into their body.
For many kids, it’s simply too much. They cannot tolerate those feelings and the associated shame.
Too Disconnected from Self
The owl brain, which is needed to be self-reflective and to think about or talk about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain, is synonymous with being connected to ourselves. Most of the kids I work with have developed very sophisticated protective responses to avoid being connected to themselves; it simply feels too bad.
Are you Trying to Change Me??
No one likes to feel like someone is trying to change them! And our kids have an extra fine-tuned spidey-sense that you wish they were different.
This is a tough one because we ARE trying to change them.
The energetic space of “I accept you completely as you are and am also inviting the potential for change” is a tricky space to embody and requires a lot of practice.
Us grown-ups really have to be clear that it’s less about wanting them to change about more about wanting them to feel better.
Scaffold Self Reflection
I don’t have an agenda that your kids talk about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain. However, having a mind that is integrated enough for self-reflection is going to also improve your child’s regulation and decrease their sensitized stress response system.
You might need to try a different metaphor, which isn’t too hard if you have a basic understanding of the nervous system.
Beyond that, there are steps you can take to help scaffold your child’s development of self-reflection.
- Talk about your owl, watchdog, and possum brain
- Talk about other people’s owl, watchdog, and possum brain
- Talk about fictional characters in books and other media
- Resist the urge to turn conversations into an invitation for them to talk about THEIR owl, watchdog, or possum brain- or even to participate in any way.
Have these conversations casually, quickly, without judgment (even good judgment) or elaboration.
For more concrete tips and strategies, listen to the podcast or read the transcript below.
Resources Mentioned on the Podcast
Listen on the Podcast
This blog is a short summary of a longer episode on The Baffling Behavior Show podcast.
Find The Baffling Behavior Show podcast on Apple Podcast, Google, Spotify, or in your favorite podcast app.
Or, you can read the entire transcript of the episode by scrolling down and clicking ‘transcript.’
Robyn
